


I give you my heart (even if I know it'll never be enough)

by elletromil



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Canonical Character Death, M/M, The Acorn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-30
Updated: 2014-12-30
Packaged: 2018-03-04 07:31:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2991875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elletromil/pseuds/elletromil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bilbo is a Hobbit; he always took comfort in green and growing things.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I give you my heart (even if I know it'll never be enough)

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah, I took a small break from JoF to write this because I've swam long enough into the Nile, I though I would come onto the shore and make myself cry a bit.
> 
> Thorin and Bilbo's relationship is all implied in there, so don't read if you expect kisses. There won't be any. Also, if you expect some of my usual fluff, no. Just no. Stop and go read Jewels of Flowers again. Seriously. This is an acorn fic. It has no happy ending. None.
> 
> To put it in clearer terms, this is my take on the acorn of sadness. For me the fucking acorn is the embodiment of all the pain and suffering from the Thilbo's side of this fandom. Nothing happy can come out of it.
> 
> Still hope you like it though :D

Bilbo knows they have no time for any delay, but when he catches sight of the acorn at his feet, he still takes a moment to bend down and take it. He puts it in his pocket with a small pat. He had wanted a memento of his adventure since the start of their journey and now that he found it, he doesn’t think he could have wish for a better one.

~

The smoke from their pipes seems to play lazily in the air and they watch as it slowly drifts away.

After a while, Gandalf’s eyes are inevitably caught by the branches of the oak tree. “It has grown into a great tree into your care my friend.”

As always when his eyes fall on it, melancholy seizes his small companion. “Yes, that it has.”

The Wizard doesn’t need to ask where Bilbo is lost for the rest of the evening.

~

Bilbo is a Hobbit; he always took comfort in green and growing things. The acorn might not yet be green nor growing, but the promise of what it will become is enough to sooth a bit of his distress.

It is the reason why he takes it out so much. The walls he had been so impressed by at first feel like they are closing in on him, a gloom slowly engulfing them one by one as Thorin grasp on common sense erodes little by little.

However, he is certain it will soon change. He has travel with them for weeks upon weeks. Bilbo knows the true might of his companions. Knows Thorin will come through whatever madness has fallen on him and, with the help of his kin, restore these ashen halls back to the glory their stories around the campfire had told of.

He just needs a little bit of help, a gentle push in the right direction, like the acorn only needs a fertile patch of soil. Bilbo is certain he can help them both.

~

“Bilbo? Are you all right?” Gandalf stops and looks back when he notices the Hobbit has somehow fallen behind. They are still on Beorn's lands and thus still in relative security, but Gandalf does not wish to tempt the fates more than they already have.

Bilbo straightens up with a sheepish smile, slipping something in his pocket with a little pat. “I’m sorry, I just... I saw an acorn and I just couldn’t...”

“Of course, of course. You don’t need to explain yourself.” Once the Hobbit is back at his sides, he affectionately ruffles his curls.

They don’t mention it again.

~

He wants to tell Thorin that he doesn’t want to plant his tree, not anymore than he wants to watch it growing. What would be the point if he can’t write to him about how the sapling is slowly becoming thicker and thicker? What would be the point if he has no one to ask him about it? What would be the point if he can’t write to him about all the memories that came to his mind while tending to it? What would be the point if Thorin is not there to remind him that the good memories far outshined the bad ones?

To whom will he write if he dies?

If Thorin dies, who shall he call his friend?

~

After settling back in Bag End and retrieving all of his belonging, Bilbo plants his acorn.

Silent tears run down his cheeks all the while, but he does nothing to stop them.

What would be the point when only a hand that had became so gentle with him could really stop them?

~

No one tries to stop Bilbo from being the first one to pay his last respects to the fallen King under the Mountain. And even if someone had tried, the ten remaining members of Thorin Oakenshield’s company would have taken care of them.

Bard comes next, the eyes of everyone in attending caught by the Arkenstone in his hands. He makes to place it in the fallen King’s hands but something he sees makes him smile sadly and he changes his mind.

He places the stone on Thorin’s chest.

~

“Why place it on his chest?”

Bard gets ask this question or a variation of it for the rest of his life.

He never seems to mind answering, but there is always sadness in his eyes. It is not for himself, not really, but those who have lost someone dear understand that it is brought by the echoing pain of someone who has never stopped grieving.

“Because inside his hand was an acorn.”

~

Bilbo doesn’t say anything and he doesn’t cry.

Instead he gently places the acorn inside Thorin’s palm, wrapping the cold finger around it.

He had callously stolen the Heart of the Mountain from him, had given away the Arkenstone to his enemies with no hesitation. Thorin might have forgiven his betrayal at the end, it did not change the fact that he as good as ripped Thorin’s heart from his chest before crushing it carelessly.

The least he could do was giving his own in exchange.

**Author's Note:**

> In case it was really too confusing (I mean it comes from my head, it's sure won't seem confusing to me, but you are not inside of it (to my knowledge anyway)) the parts of this fic are not in chronological order. If you can't figure it out here are the "correct" order. 1, 3, 5, 9, 7, 8, 4, 6, 2
> 
> I sure hope it was understandable without this though...
> 
>  
> 
> Like always, if you spot a mistake, don't hesitate to point it out. I'm French and without a beta, I can't catch them all by myself the first time around.


End file.
